Healing

Glorious, beautiful healing.

Like a flower that slowly uncurls and opens to the warm sun after a brutal winter of single digit temps and blustery winds, my body is healing, wanting to bloom again. I find myself wanting to live again.

{Insert hallelujah chorus}

So many times on a given day I experience wow-moments. Did I just run 4 miles without feeling like I am going to die? Did I just go hard all day and still have energy to work in the evening?

My head feels clearer than it has in years. And that is BIG DEAL. I have a vivid memory of last Christmas, when I was out shopping with family, and all I wanted to do was sit in the middle of the store and cry. I couldn’t think who I was shopping for or why I was even  in that certain store. I just wanted to sleep. It was awful. Which is why to have a clear mind is an unspeakable gift.

Two weeks ago was my 6 month follow up with Dr. Turnpaugh. I was a bit apprehensive, wondering if this strict diet, these supplements were doing the trick. I mean, I felt MUCH better, but what would the blood work say? What if nothing had changed?

Turns out, my numbers were almost perfect. I just wanted to sit there and soak it in for a while. The blood, sweat, & tears (or rather, cravings for sugar and hunger pangs) were all worth it. So worth it. I have my LIFE BACK.

Now that I’m experiencing restored health, I’m realizing it’s easy to overdo it. I mean, if you feel great, why not just run crazy all day, every day? Or not. I’d love to know more about boundaries and what a healthy schedule looks like. Growing up, I feel like it was drilled into me that work is important and it’s fairly common to go until you are so exhausted that you collapse. You rest a while, then repeat the process. Again & again. But there’s got to be a better way.

So. I’m learning what rest is. Even when I feel great.

Speaking of feeling great, can we just talk about how much easier it is to run without hypothyroidism? I feel like I have wings and I’m just floating through the air. Except for last weekend’s brutal 12 mile trail run that left me sobbing, but that’s another story. Exercising now is completely different. It’s astounding. I’ve come to the conclusion that I like hills. Yup, I just said that. I’d rather run hills then have a boring flat route where the scenery never changes. Uphill can be excruciating, but at least I get to experience the downhill on the other side.

It’s like that with life too. I think many times we settle for the mediocre, flat, boring runs because we’re more comfortable that way. Running uphill makes our emotions surface and that’s scary. There’s more risk & more pain. We might tank physically and not have anything left. Then what? What happens when I’m completely maxed out? Many of us are afraid of that moment, of failing miserably, so we protect ourselves by living safe lives of little risk. And we’re missing out. Big time. The best things in my life have come out of my deepest pain. In fact, I’m not certain you can live wholeheartedly without experiencing pain and suffering to some degree. I’m paraphrasing Elizabeth Elliot who said “I am not a theologian or a scholar, but I am very aware of the fact that pain is necessary to all of us. In my own life, I think I can honestly say that out of the deepest pain has come the strongest conviction of the presence of God and the love of God.”

That said, my natural tendency is to dislike pain, whether physical or emotional, and I fight against it. I need to keep telling myself to move toward it. Move into the pain. Sounds so crazy, I know. I’m thinking of practical examples in my life when I decided to move toward pain and what came out of that, but I think I’ll save that for another post.

I told myself I’m not leaving this coffee shop until I publish this, because writing on here is not something that just comes naturally. But I do want to remember these milestones, these moments of journeying with Jesus, so I’ll keep pushing myself to write.

Before I go, I’m sharing a before and after.

The first picture was taken in June of 2014, before I changed my lifestyle of eating and before I knew about the hypothyroidism. The second one was taken in February of this year. Notice especially my face. One of the marks of an under-active thyroid is the puffiness in the face especially under the eyes. Isn’t it CRAZY? Makes me want to celebrate & worship my Jesus. He is life, He is joy, He is my HEALER.

So I’m over here celebrating life, health, and healing. Not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well. Someday I want to write about the emotional healing, but it feels sacred, so I’m waiting for the right time.

Until then.

Much love, Sadie

Infertility Blessings

One of the top symptoms of hypothyroidism is infertility.

Today I want to process what that journey has been like for me. I say me, because women and men process very differently and often Mark & I are at completely different places when it comes to this subject. I’ve come to be at rest with that & am not constantly trying to make him be where I am. (Yes, I did that & sometimes still do. I have lots of maturing to do.)

Infertility.

It’s one of those things that many couples across the world struggle with. 1 in every 8 couples, to be exact. As a young girl/teenager it never even crossed my mind that I would be one of the 12 percent who would wrestle with this. I just assumed I’d have too many babies, too close. We’d have at least 10, the house would be loud and crazy, & my life would be consumed by diapers, homeschooling, & very little solitude.

It’s been 5 years since that blissful wedding day. The house is still quiet. I clean, and there’s no little people to undo it. No pitter patter of feet in the morning. No screaming 5-10 times per night while teething. Just silence.

The title of this post is not a spelling error. I truly believe that this journey of infertility is a blessing. Not because we don’t have children, but because I believe that God is doing something in spite of all this. There’s something here that’s bigger than my desire for a baby. It’s His heart of kindness toward me that we are still waiting. I know that He could change it in an instant, but because He has more for me, for us, He has chosen not to. And for that, I thank Him. It’s been hard for me to get to the place where I can say this, but I want JESUS more than I want children. I want to live out His calling on my life, more than I want to be a mother.

That said, I still struggle. I wrestle. I weep. I argue with God. I compare. I sulk. I pity myself. I get needy. I count the things I do not have, instead of being grateful for the things I DO have. That’s why I need an army of people to help me. Friends, sisters, mentors, my husband, to speak into those places of vulnerability/weakness. I can’t even imagine doing this on my own.

My biggest wrestling point is that I want to enjoy motherhood with my friends and sisters. I want to be able to identify with all their conversations and compare stories. I hate the feeling that they suddenly stop talking about mommy-hood because, oh right, she’s here. Ugh.      Along with that, comes this sense of loneliness. I can be surrounded by lots of amazing people and feel completely alone. The thing is, no one can take that lonely feeling away. That’s something I need to struggle through by myself, for it is in that wrestling, that I find God.

My mind is going fuzzy as I write, but before I go, I want to list several things that have sustained me-

• The Word of God (When I am struggling with negativity and the black cloud of depression looms overhead, I binge-read the Bible & it’s amazing the affect it has.)
• Honest, vulnerable friendships  (Being able to share the ugly parts with those around me has been so healing.)
• Meeting with a mentor (Enough said)
• Speaking God’s truth out loud, even when my emotions/circumstances scream otherwise.
• Walking very closely with pregnant & nursing mothers. (Being a doula and attending births has been very rewarding)
• Having children in my life to pour love into has been HUGE. My nieces and nephews are the joy of my heart and I love mothering them.

There’s probably more and maybe in a few months these would look different, but that is the jest of it.

Today, I rejoice in the fact that God is blessing me in the midst of infertility.
I trust Him.

In the meantime, we make gingerbread houses, and prepare for the season  of celebrating Jesus. I’ve had some difficulty getting in the Christmas spirit, but I think I’m getting there.

XOXO Sadie

Hypothyroidism v. God

It’s been a while since I sat down to write. Updating weekly was a lofty dream, but I honestly did not think it would be this long. Oops.

Honestly, I was hoping by now that I would have a glowing testimony of healing. I’d be an energizer bunny and the brain fog would be completely gone. But, the truth is, healing has been a slow process. The exciting thing is that my good days are now outnumbering the bad ones. When I wake in the morning, I actually feel like getting up and working. THAT is a miracle. There’s 10 pounds less of me to go around and that alone makes me feel better. I ran for the first time a few nights ago and it felt amazing. I’m excited to exercise now that I’m feeling better.

The most frustrating thing currently is that my head will break out in this itchy rash that oozes and burns. It’s SO disgusting. The other night I got the vinegar bottle and just poured raw vinegar over my open wounds. It burned something fierce, but it helped! I haven’t taken the time to research much, but maybe this is a yeast infection? It goes hand-in-hand with hypothyroidism, so maybe it just takes a while to get rid of it?

The diet is much easier now that I can have nuts, seeds, night-shade vegetables etc. I can enjoy so many more yummy foods! Funny story: Kay and I got together to make lots of new foods since our diet wasn’t as restricted anymore. I was trying it all and didn’t have self-control, because I COULD EAT AGAIN. Bad idea. In the middle of the night, I was on the bathroom floor, as sick as dog. (Or worse) It was like my body was screaming “WHAT IS ALL THIS FOREIGN FOOD? GET RID OF IT!” It was then I remembered that you should introduce new foods sloooowly. Duh. The cool thing about being on a strict diet for 6 weeks is that now my body will let me know if I eat something it doesn’t agree with. Like I have my own built in system that talks to me. Pretty cool huh? Like I can cheat on dairy and it will hardly faze me. Sugar & starch on the other hand, send me reeling.

Kay and I went for round 2 blood tests last week, so in 2 weeks I meet with the doctor and discuss the results. It’s been so fun to do this journey with someone, and Kay and I have made good memories through it all.

One of my weaknesses (just ask my sisters) is to think that changing your diet is the ONLY way, and that everyone else should do it too. I tend to be narrow-minded and opinionated, so I need to keep reminding myself that everyone is on their own health journey and I need to have grace in that area. I will never have all the answers and neither will anyone else. If you happen to be reading this and I’ve come across that way, please forgive me.

There are many things happening spiritually, physically, and emotionally, so much so that I can’t write about them all now. But hopefully one day, I can put more of it in writing. For now, my health continues to improve and I anticipate greater things being in store.

Hypothyroidism doesn’t stand a chance against my Heavenly Father. Amen.

P.S. Here’s a few pictures of the food we had a blast making, laughing & talking all the while. Breakfast cookies, kale chips, chicken fingers, sweet potato fries, &  chocolate. And that’s not even all of it. It’s amazing what you can make that’s dairy-free, sugar-free, egg-free, grain-free, and nut-free. Thank God for Danielle Walker and her Against All Grain cookbook!

Facing the Tiger

It’s been almost 5 weeks since I sat with my Doctor, and we tried to come up with a game plan to work on my health. He said lots of interesting things, some of which I have no recollection of. The one thing that I can’t get out of my head is what he said about tigers, being chased, and how that could be connected with my physical health.

It sounds a little crazy, I know. Let me try to explain.

We were talking about past experiences with my health and how this whole chronic fatigue thing has been plaguing me for a very long time. 13 years (or more) to be exact. I don’t know how it came up, but I ended up telling him how I was in counseling for sexual abuse as a child. What he said next blew my mind. I don’t want to mis-quote him, but here’s what I took from it.

When there are traumatic things in your childhood, not only do you go through spiritual and emotional upheaval, but your physical body also takes a beating. It’s like being chased by a tiger. You run from the tiger all day. At night, you sleep only because your body passes out. (Just because you’re sleeping, doesn’t mean you’re resting. There’s still fear of the tiger.) You wake up exhausted, get out of bed and start running from the tiger all over again. Many times, this results in what they call Chronic Fatigue, Epstein Barr virus, etc.

Hello.

I feel like he just described the last 20 years of my life. I can’t remember the last time I felt truly rested. I’m not even sure I know what it feels like to be physically, emotionally, and spiritually at rest. What is that even like?

What’s even crazier is that I had someone speak into my life in June of this year. Here is what she said in a nutshell: “You’re not at rest. You are very business like and driven. But you don’t rest.” She also asked “What brings you comfort?” The question stumped me. I don’t know. No matter what kind of ideal situation I’m in, there’s always something more that I want. She said many more good things about being nurtured and also nurturing others, but the thing that I kept coming back to was the whole rest thing.

For instance, you know how those warm, fuzzy “everybody is home for the holidays” feelings hit you and you just want to relish them and keep them forever? Well, in those perfect times, I’m restless. I want something more. There’s something missing. I am not comforted. Or if I’m sitting by the fire on a cold day with a book and my favorite person (AKA Mark), I’m constantly getting up to stir the fire or get coffee. Then I need the laptop, another book, headphones, you get the picture. I just.can’t.rest.

What would it be like to just be perfectly content and AT REST?

Back to the doctor’s visit. He was basically echoing what was said to me several months earlier, only he was using it to describe my physical body.

Interesting. Very very interesting.

Maybe there’s a connection.

Now, I don’t want to say that every single time there is any kind of sickness, it’s always connected to such and such which goes back to such and such. No. Sometimes people are sick simply because God wants to be glorified through that situation and use it to point people to the Father.

But, in this situation, I can’t help but make the connection. And since that visit, I’ve talked to several women who have similar wounds in their past, who are also dealing with similar health issues. Hmmm. It sure makes one wonder.

So, back to the tiger. How do I stop running? How do I train my body to rest again? How can I allow myself to be comforted?

I don’t have all the answers. I’m still waiting for them to be revealed to me.

The doctor said that instead of running from the tiger, I need to turn around and face it head on. Physically speaking, he was saying we need to heal my body through diet and supplements, so that I CAN kill the tiger. What the Doc doesn’t know is that I’m taking this and applying it spiritually, and not just physically. He would probably be amazed if he knew all the thoughts that were swirling in my brain while he was talking about physical healing.

This is so much deeper than just physical and that thought gives me so much hope. Identifying the problem is the first step. Because…

If we don’t understand that we’re sick, we won’t feel the need for a doctor.

If we refuse to recognize the problem, we won’t find a solution.

If we’re not realizing that we’re lost, how can we be found?

If we refuse to see our sinful state as being hopeless, we won’t need a Savior.

I’m doing a lot of recognizing. I don’t have answers, and a four step process to healing and freedom.

But, I know that I’m sick. And desperately in need of a healer. I believe that He is perfectly able to make me whole, in every area. I also know that He is able to take these circumstances that the enemy wants to use for evil, and use them for good in my life.

Just a quick update on my health… I’m going on 5 weeks and am still so very tired. A lot of symptoms are about the same, if not worse. Some days I just want to sleep all day long. I honestly thought I would feel better by now. But, I continue to trust and believe it will get better. I am slowly losing weight (YAY) and my mind is clearer. I’ve adjusted to eating like this for the most part, but some days I JUST WANT A WHOOPIE PIE. Or cheese. I love cheese. But, I will go and eat greens instead.

He is faithful.

Love, Sadie

Blood Work & Diet Changes

It’s Friday. The weekend is here. That thought should make me so happy, but tonight I just feel weighed down. Tired. I find myself asking that famous question “What is my purpose? What is the point even? What is life?” Before I start sounding like a depressed maniac, maybe I should voice things I am truly thankful for.

1. Jesus
2. My best friend, Mark
3. My parents
4. This beautiful season
5. Hope of restored health
6. Rich/deep relationships with friends & family

This act of choosing thanks is a powerful thing. I can very quickly fall in the negative trap and just stay there. Lord, help me!

A week ago today I sat down with Dr. Turnpaugh and we talked about my blood work and a plan to restore health to my days. The key issue is that my thyroid is not working properly. There are several other issues that are not as serious, like vitamin D deficiency, poor liver function, Ebstein Barr Virus, and low iron levels. All of which are very fixable.

On a positive note, my lyme test came back clear. (THANK-YOU JESUS!) Electrolytes also looked good, so that was encouraging. I feel such relief having done the tests. There’s something empowering about obtaining answers and having goals to move toward. Going on assumptions when trying to figure out what’s wrong in my physical body is frustrating, to say the least. Its like going around in circles and never getting anywhere.

So now what?

I am on a boatload of supplements and a strict diet. YAY! (Note the sarcasm) But honestly, I am willing to do what it takes to feel better. I just forgot how much I like food that I now can’t have, specifically chocolate. I just want CHOCOLATE!

The question I get a lot is “What can you not eat?” Believe me when I say, it’s much easier to say what I CAN eat.

Fruit. Veggies. Meat. Coconut. Eggs.

Not bad huh? It really isn’t when you think about it at first. Then, when I start going down the list of can NOTs, I get rather grouchy. I don’t like dieting. Plain and simple. I’d rather change my lifestyle of eating then go on a diet any day. And I like food. I really do.

What I can NOT have, is grains (not even gluten free ones, mind you), nuts, seeds, potatoes, egg plant, peppers, tomatoes, sugar, dairy.

He did say coffee, maple syrup, and honey are ok in moderation, which I was really grateful for.

After the first 6 weeks, I can start adding nuts, seeds and several other things back in. My guess is though, that I can kiss sugar and gluten good-bye for a while, maybe forever. I really like sugar, so that makes me a little sad. They say once you get desperate enough, you will change how you eat. You could say I’m desperate.

Back to the thyroid issue… I was researching hypothyroidism today, and reading the list of symptoms was almost creepy. Like someone was looking in on my life and writing the list.

• Fatigue
• Increased sensitivity to cold
• Unexplained weight gain
• Muscle Weakness
• Muscle aches, tenderness, stiffness
• Pain in your joints
• Heavier than normal menstruation
• Heart palpitations
• Impaired Memory/fuzzy thinking
• Depression
• PMS
• Low body temperature
• Infertility
• Irritability
• Tingling sensation in wrists and hands that mimics carpal tunnel syndrome
• Cold hands and feet

I can say yes to all of the above. I’m not even kidding. Many of them I have just lived with, thinking they’re probably “normal”.

There are several that I don’t have or just didn’t notice

• Dry skin
• Slowed or slurred speech
• Puffy face (unless you see something I don’t)
• Hoarseness
• Thinning hair

I’m not going to pretend that these symptoms will all magically disappear. Some of them are simply the result of living in a fallen world. I get that. If there is one thing that I could pick to eliminate, it would be the depression & the brain fog. Oops, thats two. But seriously, if those two things would get remotely better, I would be so SO happy. Waking up in the morning and not wanting to face the day has been one of the hardest things for me. This lack of purpose, this not-care attitude, this purposelessness that I face daily, are sucking the life out of me. I KNOW there’s MORE. I know that I’m not living to the full potential that God created me for. It seems like all I do (in the Doc’s words) is run from the tiger. All day, everyday.

More on tigers later, and how that beast may have started chasing me.

I’m learning a lot & I never want to stop.

God is near, and there is hope.

Sadie

Day 1 of the Rest of My Life

Life happened & I got busy.

One thing that busyness does: it forces me to ignore my physical issues and keep going. Unfortunately, if I live like that for months at a time, I will eventually crash. Kind of like trying to build an intimate relationship with Jesus, yet never taking the time to commune with him. Eventually, you wake up and wonder how you could possibly have gotten that far away from Him. Anyway, that’s not what this post is about.

Today is my day 1.

My first day of taking pills, changing my diet, and the list goes on. Right now, all I want to do is lay my head down on the desk and sleep. My eyes just want to close on me. After about 10 hours of sleep, you’d think one would feel refreshed. Not me. Not today.

But soon. I anticipate energy, purpose, and clear thinking. I anticipate laying my head down at night, and falling asleep, soundly, without hours of tossing and turning.

The doctor made it sound easy. He said within days I should start feeling better. And I hope. Oh, I hope.

But, if not, I know that God is still good and He is still faithful.

I trust Him. God, that is. I trust him more than I’ll ever trust any health practitioner or product. He knows me better than anyone and He is an expert at creating beauty out of the messy and hard.

I hope to post more soon. About blood work results, supplements, and diet.

For now, it will need to wait.

Love, Sadie

The Story Behind it All

I shared a little bit in my last post about being 14 and sick. I want to try and write more of my story. The timeline of events feels blurry and the order of events may be incorrect, but I am going to write it out anyway.

It all started with this fatigue that would put me to sleep anywhere, anytime.

Except at night.

My nights were long, filled with fear & dreams about many crazy spiritual things. I remember waking up with tears running down my face.

Suicidal thoughts were a struggle for a little while, but not something that plagued me constantly. I think I was just so miserable, it looked like an easy way out.

During this time, I was seeing chiropractors and other homeopathic “doctors” who would do all sorts of weird things, like read my eyes and do muscle testing. I was told to hold a product in my hand and if I needed it, my arm would move. STRANGE. One lady put a product close to me and if her mouth would start making weird noises, that certain product was for me?

I’m not here to start a debate on what natural remedies are legit or not. Or what is witchcraft and what isn’t. But, if I had it to do-over, I would probably skip all of that and find someone who has a medical degree and lots of experience. Just my own personal opinion.

Finally, we went to an MD who diagnosed me with Epstein-Barr virus/Chronic Fatigue. They told me that I would struggle with this for the rest of my life and that it couldn’t be cured, only put in remission. (Gee, thanks.) I was put on massive amounts of vitamins and things to build my immune system. It worked. For about 3 years.

At 17, it was back to square one, only this time they told me it was Mono, and through a urine test, I was told that I have Lyme Disease. (Whether or not you can accurately detect Lyme through the urine, I have no clue.) More pill-taking, etc. I just wish I had taken responsibility for my health and started researching at that point. It would have saved me from years of questions and frustration.

Needless to say, the past 10 years have been a roller coaster. I’ve had some good months, then others that would wreck me, physically and emotionally. I saw counsellors and worked through inner healing, which helped stabilize me emotionally, but still I just felt exhausted, like I was/am fighting a battle I’m not even aware of.

I prayed. I was anointed several times. I proclaimed healing in Jesus Name.

What is missing?

In the next several posts, I want to talk about how I’m slowly learning to embrace hard, even when there’s not complete healing. Even when I just want to stay in bed all day. Even when I don’t have all the missing links.

Even if nothing changes, He’s still good and that’s the truth I’m standing on today.

I feel a bit like this baby bird. Hungry, waiting, desperate for food, so I can grow to be all that He wants me to be.  

More later,

Sadie

He will Give you Rest

The moment my feet hit the ground this morning, I was exhausted. That feeling stayed with me most of the day. I just wanted to sleep. It’s on days like this, that I want to weep, be negative and take it out on everyone around me. Poor Mark.

I need to make a conscious decision to be positive about life and work. Depression is so close, I feel its breath on my skin. I will not give up. I will not give in. I am a VICTOR, not a VICTIM.

I remember a day, about 15 years ago, when I lay on the floor, crying, because I was so tired. A young barely teenager, I thought I was just lazy and that everyone probably feels like this.

I’m finding out that it’s not true. That there are people who have energy and feel great after a days work. Hello.

Today, I am proclaiming that Jesus is healing me. Even if I don’t feel it. Even if my circumstances shout the opposite.

I feel hope.

He gives me rest. He IS my rest.

xoxo, Sadie

Body, Soul, & Spirit

Today I watched several videos that talked about the connection between the body, soul, and spirit, and how sin can be directly connected to physical health.

Very fascinating to say the least. I want to learn more.

I always knew that when I am not feeling well, it affects my emotions and walk with God and vice versa. But that’s as far as I went with it. I would like to delve deeper and see if God is trying to put His finger in something. I feel strangely excited about it.

In this process of healing, I don’t want to find a cure-all method, but rather connect with my Jesus and hear what HE has to say about my physical well-being.

I woke from a long nap this afternoon with severe stomach pains. My body still feels so out of whack from this week. One of the hardest parts is all the guessing games. I just don’t know what’s wrong.

One thing I do know.

I have bitterness and resentment that I am wrestling with, and the Lord is clearly asking me to repent. And oh my flesh fights. Somehow in my mind, it’s their fault and they are responsible for how I feel. Such lies. Harboring these feelings is so devastating on one’s health. Not to mention the havoc it creates in my life.

God have mercy. May my life be transformed daily by the renewing of my mind.

He is faithful,

Sadie

Insomnia Struggles

I feel better.

THANK-YOU JESUS.

Yesterday morning when I woke up, the first thought that popped into my head was, “I’m hungry.” Wait.

I have my appetite back! YES!

After days of not wanting to eat, it’s so nice to not feel disgusted by the sight of food.

I’m still weak and tired, but that’s become the norm after years of fighting this thing.

I don’t do well with waiting games, so between now and when I meet with the Doc again feels long. I don’t do well with guessing games either. And I pray that the blood test results will have some answers for us.

You know what I look forward to the most?

Going to bed at night and falling asleep.

My darkest hours have been from 10-2:00 PM, when I am so exhausted, but I. Just. Can’t. Sleep.

One of my goals for 2015 was to go to bed earlier, so I can rise earlier.

Well, turns out, going to bed earlier doesn’t work if you can’t sleep. So now my goal is to get my body to sleep before 10PM. I come from a family that struggles with insomnia, but I really, REALLY want to kick this thing.

I want to enjoy mornings, and not spend the first 3 hours of my day trying to stay awake.

My Daddy takes sleeping pills, then uses huge amounts of caffeine to wake himself up. Miserable way to live, I think.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not going to blame all of this on my health issues. It’s also years of bad habits & laziness.

I want to change. I really do.

You see, sometimes it’s easy for me to have lovely goals and lists, and be all organized. But when it comes down to actually doing it, that’s another matter.

Self-discipline doesn’t just happen for me. It needs to be created by doing hard things.

That’s where my Jesus comes in. It’s the daily refining that He does, and His believing in me and my dreams, that helps me be someone I could never be otherwise.

So I am going to trust Him to show me what areas I need to be more disciplined in, and when I just need to rest.

We come from a culture that doesn’t know how to rest. Or pray.

I don’t mean to be harsh, but we seriously don’t.

We know how to work really hard and have gorgeous properties. But we don’t know how to pray.

Back to sleeping/health. (I go on bunny trails a lot in case you didn’t notice. Perks to not being a seasoned writer.)

The Doc said I will be able to sleep again. He said it with such conviction that I had to believe him. That thought makes me deliriously happy.

I need to go study for an upcoming talk at a woman’s conference. Ugh.

I love the actual event. But the studying part? Nope.

I should share a picture before I go.

This one indicates that autumn is arriving.

To say I’m happy would be an understatement. I LOVE the change of seasons.

The humid weather makes my fatigue and brain fog escalate, so that’s another reason for loving the cold. Hopefully I will enjoy warm weather in the future.

Happy Weekend!

Sadie