It’s Friday. The weekend is here. That thought should make me so happy, but tonight I just feel weighed down. Tired. I find myself asking that famous question “What is my purpose? What is the point even? What is life?” Before I start sounding like a depressed maniac, maybe I should voice things I am truly thankful for.
- My best friend, Mark
- My parents
- This beautiful season
- Hope of restored health
- Rich/deep relationships with friends & family
This act of choosing thanks is a powerful thing. I can very quickly fall in the negative trap and just stay there. Lord, help me!
A week ago today I sat down with Dr. Turnpaugh and we talked about my blood work and a plan to restore health to my days. The key issue is that my thyroid is not working properly. There are several other issues that are not as serious, like vitamin D deficiency, poor liver function, Ebstein Barr Virus, and low iron levels. All of which are very fixable.
On a positive note, my lyme test came back clear. (THANK-YOU JESUS!) Electrolytes also looked good, so that was encouraging. I feel such relief having done the tests. There’s something empowering about obtaining answers and having goals to move toward. Going on assumptions when trying to figure out what’s wrong in my physical body is frustrating, to say the least. Its like going around in circles and never getting anywhere.
So now what?
I am on a boatload of supplements and a strict diet. YAY! (Note the sarcasm) But honestly, I am willing to do what it takes to feel better. I just forgot how much I like food that I now can’t have, specifically chocolate. I just want CHOCOLATE!
The question I get a lot is “What can you not eat?” Believe me when I say, it’s much easier to say what I CAN eat.
Fruit. Veggies. Meat. Coconut. Eggs.
Not bad huh? It really isn’t when you think about it at first. Then, when I start going down the list of can NOTs, I get rather grouchy. I don’t like dieting. Plain and simple. I’d rather change my lifestyle of eating then go on a diet any day. And I like food. I really do.
What I can NOT have, is grains (not even gluten free ones, mind you), nuts, seeds, potatoes, egg plant, peppers, tomatoes, sugar, dairy.
He did say coffee, maple syrup, and honey are ok in moderation, which I was really grateful for.
After the first 6 weeks, I can start adding nuts, seeds and several other things back in. My guess is though, that I can kiss sugar and gluten good-bye for a while, maybe forever. I really like sugar, so that makes me a little sad. They say once you get desperate enough, you will change how you eat. You could say I’m desperate.
Back to the thyroid issue… I was researching hypothyroidism today, and reading the list of symptoms was almost creepy. Like someone was looking in on my life and writing the list.
- Increased sensitivity to cold
- Unexplained weight gain
- Muscle Weakness
- Muscle aches, tenderness, stiffness
- Pain in your joints
- Heavier than normal menstruation
- Heart palpitations
- Impaired Memory/fuzzy thinking
- Low body temperature
- Tingling sensation in wrists and hands that mimics carpal tunnel syndrome
- Cold hands and feet
I can say yes to all of the above. I’m not even kidding. Many of them I have just lived with, thinking they’re probably “normal”.
There are several that I don’t have or just didn’t notice
- Dry skin
- Slowed or slurred speech
- Puffy face (unless you see something I don’t)
- Thinning hair
I’m not going to pretend that these symptoms will all magically disappear. Some of them are simply the result of living in a fallen world. I get that. If there is one thing that I could pick to eliminate, it would be the depression & the brain fog. Oops, thats two. But seriously, if those two things would get remotely better, I would be so SO happy. Waking up in the morning and not wanting to face the day has been one of the hardest things for me. This lack of purpose, this not-care attitude, this purposelessness that I face daily, are sucking the life out of me. I KNOW there’s MORE. I know that I’m not living to the full potential that God created me for. It seems like all I do (in the Doc’s words) is run from the tiger. All day, everyday.
More on tigers later, and how that beast may have started chasing me.
I’m learning a lot & I never want to stop.
God is near, and there is hope.