Healing

Glorious, beautiful healing.

Like a flower that slowly uncurls and opens to the warm sun after a brutal winter of single digit temps and blustery winds, my body is healing, wanting to bloom again. I find myself wanting to live again.

{Insert hallelujah chorus}

So many times on a given day I experience wow-moments. Did I just run 4 miles without feeling like I am going to die? Did I just go hard all day and still have energy to work in the evening?

My head feels clearer than it has in years. And that is BIG DEAL. I have a vivid memory of last Christmas, when I was out shopping with family, and all I wanted to do was sit in the middle of the store and cry. I couldn’t think who I was shopping for or why I was even  in that certain store. I just wanted to sleep. It was awful. Which is why to have a clear mind is an unspeakable gift.

Two weeks ago was my 6 month follow up with Dr. Turnpaugh. I was a bit apprehensive, wondering if this strict diet, these supplements were doing the trick. I mean, I felt MUCH better, but what would the blood work say? What if nothing had changed?

Turns out, my numbers were almost perfect. I just wanted to sit there and soak it in for a while. The blood, sweat, & tears (or rather, cravings for sugar and hunger pangs) were all worth it. So worth it. I have my LIFE BACK.

Now that I’m experiencing restored health, I’m realizing it’s easy to overdo it. I mean, if you feel great, why not just run crazy all day, every day? Or not. I’d love to know more about boundaries and what a healthy schedule looks like. Growing up, I feel like it was drilled into me that work is important and it’s fairly common to go until you are so exhausted that you collapse. You rest a while, then repeat the process. Again & again. But there’s got to be a better way.

So. I’m learning what rest is. Even when I feel great.

Speaking of feeling great, can we just talk about how much easier it is to run without hypothyroidism? I feel like I have wings and I’m just floating through the air. Except for last weekend’s brutal 12 mile trail run that left me sobbing, but that’s another story. Exercising now is completely different. It’s astounding. I’ve come to the conclusion that I like hills. Yup, I just said that. I’d rather run hills then have a boring flat route where the scenery never changes. Uphill can be excruciating, but at least I get to experience the downhill on the other side.

It’s like that with life too. I think many times we settle for the mediocre, flat, boring runs because we’re more comfortable that way. Running uphill makes our emotions surface and that’s scary. There’s more risk & more pain. We might tank physically and not have anything left. Then what? What happens when I’m completely maxed out? Many of us are afraid of that moment, of failing miserably, so we protect ourselves by living safe lives of little risk. And we’re missing out. Big time. The best things in my life have come out of my deepest pain. In fact, I’m not certain you can live wholeheartedly without experiencing pain and suffering to some degree. I’m paraphrasing Elizabeth Elliot who said “I am not a theologian or a scholar, but I am very aware of the fact that pain is necessary to all of us. In my own life, I think I can honestly say that out of the deepest pain has come the strongest conviction of the presence of God and the love of God.”

That said, my natural tendency is to dislike pain, whether physical or emotional, and I fight against it. I need to keep telling myself to move toward it. Move into the pain. Sounds so crazy, I know. I’m thinking of practical examples in my life when I decided to move toward pain and what came out of that, but I think I’ll save that for another post.

I told myself I’m not leaving this coffee shop until I publish this, because writing on here is not something that just comes naturally. But I do want to remember these milestones, these moments of journeying with Jesus, so I’ll keep pushing myself to write.

Before I go, I’m sharing a before and after.

The first picture was taken in June of 2014, before I changed my lifestyle of eating and before I knew about the hypothyroidism. The second one was taken in February of this year. Notice especially my face. One of the marks of an under-active thyroid is the puffiness in the face especially under the eyes. Isn’t it CRAZY? Makes me want to celebrate & worship my Jesus. He is life, He is joy, He is my HEALER.

So I’m over here celebrating life, health, and healing. Not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well. Someday I want to write about the emotional healing, but it feels sacred, so I’m waiting for the right time.

Until then.

Much love, Sadie